Tuesday the 16^th of April, I sat at an empty picnic table. It was a windy cold day and the few patrons that had been at the lake, left. I cooked my dinner on my little cooker that I had purchased in Havre, France. It worked very well, but the wind was so fierce that it took the heat away from the pan. I used the case to make a barrier preventing the wind from blowing through. It worked and I was able to heat up my tv-dinner. The premade dinners I bought, did not need to be stored in the refrigerator or freezer, which was very convenient. The food started to smell good, and Ace was at my feet wanting me to share.

I started to eat my food when I heard a noise. Facing the car park, I looked around to my right, and saw a Combat Rubber Raiding Craft (CRRC), or at least it looked like something Navy Seals used. A man in his 40’s with a full beard and mustache pulled ashore, securing it on land. Then he walked over to his unmarked white van that had covers over the front windows. It had been sitting there for the last couple of days. Just as he walked to the back of the van, a gold SUV pulled up. They talked and then they looked over at me. So, I took my food and walked, taking Ace with me. The lake was not very big, but my car was parked two spots away from the unmarked van. I stood near the restaurant, hoping there were cameras looking at me in case of my doom. The SUV drove onto the beach next to the black stealthy boat and as they did their thing, I went to my car. I didn’t want to know what the suspicious men were up to. Everyone knows that curiosity killed the cat. I didn’t want them to see me watching them in case it upset them.

I finished my food quickly and tossed the container in the trash. Then I pulled my cart towards my car. First, making sure that the cooker was not too hot to put in the cart. It wasn’t, the cold, windy, hazy weather cooled it down quickly. I pulled my fancy camper cart, that cost me 90 euros, to my car. But it was so cold and miserable, I decided to just leave it behind my car. I just didn’t want to put the wet cart in the backseat where Ace was relaxing. I did try my best to make things as comfortable as possible for Ace and I, as we slept and hung out in the car during the day and night. I sat in my car and the SUV finished its business and sped by, making sure I didn’t get a good look into the vehicle. 

Then Ace gave me that look. You know the one…

Ace started to whine in the backseat. I looked back at him from the driver’s seat and his eyes moved in the direction of the unmarked van and then back at me, with repetitive motion. As if to warn me. I felt a bit nervous. What a stupid way to die, over something that you didn’t even see and for what? Because I was at the wrong place, at the wrong time? I decided to drive to my favorite restaurant, with the hot waiter from Portugal. Anytime I needed something, he would say, “What can I get you, my lady.”

I pulled out of the Lake parking lot and onto the main road and for some time, I saw the same gold SUV that I had seen at the lake, two cars behind, following. It did eventually turn, but I was paranoid at this point. I came into the restaurant, I was the only guest at this point. I ordered the local soup that had ham, duck, legumes, and some vegetables. I wasn’t really hungry, but I couldn’t just sit there and use their internet. This is a personal conviction, plus hot soup on a cold windy wet day did seem appealing. A white man with blue eyes, late 40’s maybe early 50’s walked into the restaurant. He had a tight and clean hair cut, decent white collar clothes on, and he at a table right next to me. Before sitting down to look at the menu at this Italian restaurant, he told the waiter that he wanted Fish and Chips. I perked up when I heard him speak English. I asked him if he is British and he said no, then he spoke in a language that was neither English nor French. I didn’t understand what he was saying, so I apologized and remain acutely aware of his presence. I worked on my computer, when I got a phone call from the women I met the previous day. We will call her Angel.

Apparently, Angel had been calling around desperately trying to find a place for me to sleep for the night. She did not like the idea of me being in the cold windy wet weather. She found one place and asked if I could meet her there after her shift at the hospital. I told her that I would finish up at the restaurant and then go back to the Lake where I had left some of my things before heading over. She gave me a number, so I could call the shelter to confirm that I would like to come stay for the night.

I could see in the corner of my eye, the white man check his phone, did a couple of things, and then put it away. He finished his fish and chips, paid the bill, and left. I took my time finishing my soup and worked on my computer a bit more. I looked at my phone again to call the place and realized that Angel was calling me again. I told Angel that I was still at the restaurant but would skip going to the Lake. Angel apologized and told me that the security guard that originally said yes had turned over his duties to the night shift security guard and that one said no dogs allowed inside. Angel asked me where I was at the time and I told her the restaurant name, the waiter gave her the address. She told me to stay put because she was heading over to meet me.

I had already paid the bill, so I took Ace out for a potty break and then waited in front of the restaurant. It didn’t take long for Angel to arrive. I offered to pay for coffee or tea, but Angel insisted on paying. We shared a pot of tea at the restaurant and talk for a full hour. The waiters and bartenders seemed to stand and listen in on our conversation. As if they could sense something was up. I had been to the restaurant several times by now and new some of them spoke English. When the man had left, I asked the waiter if he knew that man. The waiter had given the man a strange look, but he told me he didn’t know him. I showed Angel pictures of my life in Ohio, the house I left behind, the pets, and some of my family members; including my great niece. I shared briefly my story of being enlisted, retired at a young age, a mother of two teenagers, and then my soul searching for my deeper purpose in this life. It was almost more like an interview; I imagine as this woman is debating whether it is a good idea for me to follow her home or not. I passed the interview and we have remained friends to this day.

She asked me what I was planning on doing for the night and I assured her that I could sleep in my car in one of the streets that doesn’t charge to park. She asked, not convinced of my safety, “Do you feel safe?” I felt like I needed to be honest and stop acting like everything was fine. “I think I saw something I wasn’t supposed to.” I responded. With that, she said I was going back with her. It so happened that her ex-boyfriend was on vacation for the week, and she was staying at the house dog sitting. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to help, because she was currently living with her parents in their two-bedroom apartment. Oh, the timing of it all…

I followed Angel, 15 minutes into the country, now wondering if I was safe. I didn’t know her, but I continued to follow anyways, imagining the worst. I thought if anything, I could sleep in the free parking space provided and use the restroom, so I wouldn’t have to squat in the wilderness anymore. Really, the only time that I wished I was a man was when I was squatting over grass trying not to get pee on myself.

We pulled up to a big gate, she opened it manually, and then we both parked out cars. Within the courtyard, there was room for the big house and three garage spaces, and some stalls for animals. Angel informed me that the rooms were being renovated and were not suitable for sleeping in, but I could lay down in the kitchen area. Which was fine, I was just glad not to sleep in the busy streets of Lourdes or go to the dark quiet location of the Lake. Angel closed the gate and then ushered me into the house and gave me a tour. The kitchen was big, there was a dining table, a couch facing the tv, with a coffee table. I was invited to sleep on the couch in the living/dining/kitchen open room. Angel received a phone call from her ex-boyfriend who had seen my car in the security cameras. So, she left to talk to him about me, then came back to apologize for the mess. I reminded her that I was living in my car, so… I mean, if there was hoarding and fecal matter everywhere, then yea, I would have chosen my car in 36-degree weather. But it was not that kind of mess, more like a guy who lived like a bachelor, making it not completely tidy.

As we talked, I found out that she hadn’t been to the lake in a long time and wasn’t even sure why she decided to go yesterday. But she took the dogs and had planned on having tea with her current boyfriend on that cold windy Monday. Where she came across the homeless foreigner. She said, my expression was that of someone who was lost and needed help. And here, I thought I looked like a strong independent women. She said I had been on her mind ever since, as it weighed heavily on her heart. Angel told me that she was a Palestinian refugee and had experienced discrimination when her family had arrived in Lourdes. Her parents converted to Catholic Christian and had to move away from their home country, when she was a kid. But because they were different from the locals in Lourdes, she did not receive a friendly embrace. I think this made her empathetic towards me in my situation. Looking back on her hardship, I saw how God had brought something good out of it.

I assured her that tomorrow I should be fine to return to the lake. The men would have lost interest, by then. During the night, her female collie tried to kiss me any chance she got. I put my hands up in protest, so she licked my hands and my arms instead. I tried hiding under the covers, then she laid on my head and suffocated for the rest of the night. Angel had to go to work at 6 am, but she kindly let me sleep in. I slept in until she got back for lunch. She had a couple of hours for lunch, but when her break was up, so was my time to relax. I headed back to the Lake to get my things and saw the white van waiting.   

The restaurant was open and there were many people there at this time, but the unmarked white van was still there. Two men sat in the van and they looked at me as I parked in my usual spot with my tent and things still in the grass. I sat in my car and decided to take my time as I did not feel particularly safe to get out of the car and walk past the van, nor did I want to drive away and have them follow me. They turned the van on… sat, then turned the van off… sat, then turned the van on and decided to leave. I stayed put, neither leaving my car nor taking the car out of the parking lot. I watched them drive past me slowly; the man in the passenger side stared at me as they went. I stared back at him. He had reddish hair, with a full reddish beard and mustache. I stared back with no expression (I think, I might of still looked lost, I’m not sure), I did not feel fear towards this man, I did not feel anything. I am not sure what I should’ve felt in that moment. Most would say fear, some would say anger, but I had been practicing against these things for a while. I had been practicing love, but that emotion didn’t come. I’m still working on it…

I heard the voice in my head, they will probably come back tonight when it is dark. They know I have a tent and had left my things overnight. I would just continue to stay at the lake, assuming the worst is over and that they could not possibly do something so drastic as make my body sink to the bottom of Lake Lourdes in France.

I thought about this possibility. I would simply just become the missing woman, whose car remained at the lake, with no body in sight. What would they do to my dog, Ace? Poor baby! I got out of my car and pondered these things as I started to pack. Making room and squeezing the now, oversized tent that was once packed up nicely, while flicking slugs off the underside was a chore. I let Ace play with a female Jack Russell. She ran excitedly after the ball and did not pay Ace any mind, so he went into the lake to show off his swimming skills. Then I realized, they had taken my cart and cooker!

I messaged Angel to let her know what had happened and that I was leaving to go to Italy. I could not stay at Lake Lourdes anymore. But Angel insisted that I spend one more night at the house to get well rested before taking my long trip. I took her up on the invitation and she brought Chinese food home for us to eat for dinner. I’m telling you; she is an angel! She advised me not to go through Marseille, France because the city had a high crime rate and was known for mafia type activity. We made sure to make the collies sleep outside the kitchen this time and I slept much more peacefully. But I had a disturbing dream that night.

In my dream, I was responsible for placing a bomb within a vehicle, then I fled the scene onto a bus to get out of the blast zone. But the bomb wasn’t what I thought it would be. There was a blast, but the main goal was to deactivate all electronic signals within miles of the bomb. It had an electromagnetic pulse (EMP). I could see when it discharged, but there was a yellow hue that went past the bus I was on. I think somehow, I felt responsible for whatever activity that was going on at the Lake and I didn’t report it. But I wasn’t sure how much the government was involved. One woman against an organization like that, I would simply disappear, not having anyone to trust.