I had laid in bed overwhelmed by my circumstances. £45 for 4 weeks of food, not able to raise the money for school. Which would secure my time in the United Kingdom. Should I have just gone to Greece? What was in Greece that could comfort me more than the mattress that I was laying on?

My friend, whose name means messenger, guard or fortress on the hill. Responded to my message and I found refuge in her fortress. I packed up, leaving only a few things behind that were not essential. I even cleaned my space by vacuuming up my husky’s hair. I took what little food I had in the cupboards and did a couple of quick checks in each room.

I drove Ace and I to the University of Stirling to sit and wait until my friend was ready to receive us. I ventured the campus by car, since I couldn’t walk Ace around with his hurt leg. Then I found a good parking space to let Ace go potty and get a drink of water before going inside the building. There were obvious changes to the building and layout since 2018. There was only one familiar face that we came across.

When I first left America and stayed in the United Kingdom, I dreamed of a blue door with the number 10 on it. It wasn’t until recently that I thought to look up the meaning of these things. The color blue holds deep spiritual meaning and is often associated with divine power and transcendence. The number 10 means a completed cycle in your life and that a new chapter is about to begin. “This double-digit number shows up as a sign from your guardian angels. It lets you know that you are the master of your own destiny (even though divine energy is also on your side).” – Google

Now the fortress I stayed at number 14 is present in my life. “Number 14 is associated with new starts, fresh opportunities, but also balance and harmony. Your angels could be using this number to encourage you to be more adaptable and not to let self-doubt hold you back. Divine forces are on your side and want you to thrive – so any risks will surely be rewarded in time.” – Google

I connected with a counselor and got back on antidepressants as I struggled with overwhelming fear. My appetite was nil and I had noticeably lost weight. I was questioning my journey and myself and feeling fear over Ace’s wellbeing and how I would push forward. I didn’t know what to do next, head back to America with my tail between my legs, make the 30-hour drive on the unknown roads to Greece, or apply to another University and hope for a cheaper visa fee. I was still driving around on the spare tire; I did not have the money to buy a new tire. Or fix the side rearview mirror. If I went back to America, I would need to make these fixes before transporting my car back.

My friend assured me that I was safe and Ace and I would be taken care of. Some nights were long and I always seemed to wake up around 3 am and couldn’t fall back asleep for another hour. Mornings were the worst, when I woke up, anxiety immediately gripped me causing chest pains. But I was getting stronger in the day and pushed myself to make check lists. Through Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA), I learned that my vehicle was not registered in my name. In fact, when I had given the location and name of the place originally picked out for my car to be delivered to. It was Grace London Church, which was what the car got registered under by the car import company. No doubt, my mistake as I make many in admin life with dyslexic disability.

While I was piecing myself together, I came across a post online of bright light apparition seen on one of the islands of Greece. When I saw this, I felt peace. As if to affirm my feelings of needing to go to Greece. Like maybe, I wasn’t insane for hearing this voice in my head to go out of my comfort zone. Now more than ever, I just wanted to be where God is. That’s all I want, whether to be in heaven or just to be where God wants me to be. As long as I don’t go back to that house where my landlord could have chopped me up and dissolved me in acid barrels sitting in a decaying abandoned warehouse. Family and friends not knowing what happened to me and Ace. In a dark world, I want to be where God is.

I never really thought about it in the way that God had called Abraham to leave his family, friends, comforts, and homeland and venture out to the unknown. Originally, I thought I would be settling down in London, attending the University and get a job in the screenwriting/film industry. Now I am planning on traveling around Europe to be closer to God. Wherever he wants me to be, then I will go. I just pray that I don’t allow fear to guide my decisions like I did in the past. To keep on going even though it doesn’t make sense. One of my biggest fears is for Ace’s safety and I had thought to leave him behind with my friend. But she really feels that he would miss me dearly. A bigger fear for me is not being there, when Ace needs me the most. If he was ever to pass away, I want to make sure he is not alone or believing that I had abandoned him. So pray for us, that God has our best interest in mind.