GOD’S TIMING

Although I can only write of my own experiences, no matter how insignificant. I pray that it helps at least one person somewhere, out there in the cosmos of the web.

For the longest time, a spider would be my life lesson. Most people think of the black widow, death, & fear. But if you were to stop and think about how a spider lives their life. You would find that they have a creative nature, patience, perseverance, building, and rebuilding. The creative energy weaving dreams, which is interesting when you think of a dreamcatcher. Just like the web of a spider, the dreamcatcher has a design woven within the circle and it is meant to catch the bad dreams that plague an individual. Everything is tied in spiritually because it is all intertwined within the Sovereignty of God, the one who intelligently designed it.

Wise men really do take the time to sit back and learn life lessons from God’s creation. There is a message in everything.

Take my service dog, for instance. What do we know about dogs? Firstly, dog, d.o.g. is god spelled backwards. Dogs are described as loyal, protectors, a friend, companion, worker – skilled in various tasks, but most of all. The boundless, forgiving nature of selfless love. I think that is the perfect reflection of God, if I ever knew one! Those who know God, know His boundless, endless love, unrelenting from as far as the West stretches to the East. Forgive 70 times 7, love, a selfless love that the average person is not familiar with. There were so many lessons that I learned from Ace. Even the simple things like rest, drink lots of water, treat yourself, and explore nature. Don’t be too afraid to say hello to a stranger.

Today, we went to the Tillicoultry Baptist Church and a woman with a wolf sweater came up to us and explained that she had just lost her husky two days ago. But she smiled at Ace and petted him and wasn’t alone in her loss. People are going through things all the time and they go through it alone, because there is no room for conversation for the uncomfortable sadness. Somehow, dogs allow us to openly grieve, and they sit there silently as a comforting friend. They don’t say, “just be happy”. Ace simply licked this lady’s hand and smiled at her and let her stroke his fur.

I know I had originally come to the United Kingdom, set on a specific mission. I originally thought that I would be in London, finishing my degree at Birkbeck University in Screenwriting. I would get resources into the film industry and possibly get a job as a screenwriter or at least sell a script, short film. However, it did not happen that way at all. My original plan was morphed into more of a spiritual journey. I really would have gone back to America, if I hadn’t “Burned the Ships”. I leased out my home for three years, locked in a contract. I imported my car with a lot of my things from America to the UK. I really made it difficult to just go back and resume my regular life. Circumstances beyond my control intervened and I found myself moving along with whatever control I did have. Reaction after reaction, I really was starting to doubt my capabilities and life endeavors. I know some of my family would really like me to be home and so that they know that I am safe. But safety is an illusion. You think you are safe at school or at a mall and then someone opens fires. You go to a peace concert to celebrate with music and then the worst thing imaginable happens. I have learned through the Bible, that the safest place to be is where God is. Where does God want you to be?

At one time, it was Greece, and I did not go. I went to Scotland instead and I had a dream following my decision. It was a dream of missing out on a Prince. I was really sad, and I knew I didn’t have the money to go and see him. Instead, I got attacked by a snake to end my dream. If you’ve read my past blog, you know that there was a beautiful apparition that appeared in Greece, that resembled an angel. And instead, I was spiritually attacked by the snake and bitten by fear, badly… It was so bad; I lost my appetite completely and had to find refuge with a friend who gave me a safe place to recover. I had really contemplated going back to America at that point, my fear was so bad. I remembered how people would say to me, “How brave it is to go to a foreign country.” I never felt the fear and I realized that my medication (antidepressants) had something to do with that. Once I was off them, I had lots of negative incoming thoughts, worry after worry, paranoia. I about shriveled up in bed and wouldn’t have gotten up if it weren’t for Ace’s needs.

I did get back on my medication and the fear has left me. Strangely, like I shouldn’t have been fearful in the first place. Though there is good stress, called eustress and fear is necessary to prevent us from being in dangerous situations. Even more, there is no bravery without the overcoming of fear. So, I do question the complete value of the medication that I am taking because I have not mastered overcoming fear. I have simply numbed it with medication for 12 years. I do still think that I was legitimately in a dangerous situation with the creepy landlord. I just felt the full emotion and was not used to it. Regardless, even on medication I could still feel the pointlessness in whatever I was doing with my life. The unimportance of an unemployed, homeless, directionless individual. What was my purpose in the grand scheme of things? Who am I really impacting? I feel little and insignificant.

As I sat outside with Ace laying in his doggy bed, enjoying the breeze. A bug landed onto the side of my leg. I wanted to swat it away, but something told me to not be rude. The bug crawled to the top of my leg and I saw that it was a little fuzzy bee. Now there are people who are afraid of bees as well, but bees generally are not aggressive. They are crucial to the survival of the planet, because they pollinate the trees & flowers, which supports all the other levels of the ecosystem. One would say that the ecosystem would collapse without the tiny furry flying workaholics.

The bee on my leg, looked young, it groomed its face, then stopped moving. Like someone with a bad case of insomnia, it didn’t seem to realize it had fallen asleep momentarily. Then groomed itself again and repeated the cycle several times. Laying still, the wind picked up and felt chilly. So I put my hand over the bee for a little warmth and shelter. It woke up and crawled onto my finger and fell asleep again. Instead of keeping my hand out on my leg, I brought it closer to my body and eventually the bee crawled onto my shirt, looked up at me and then found another spot to fall asleep again. She looked young and healthy, so I was sadly surprised to find her dead on her back later in the place that I had left her. I left her in a certain spot so that I could go do human things and take a nap myself. Maybe it wasn’t safe enough? I left her juice, maybe I should have left water instead?

I laid awake that night thinking about the bee and decided to look up the spiritual meaning of it. There is always something interesting that is written on these things. Turns out, if the bee lands on your leg, this is a sign “that you will be taking an interesting or economically profitable long-distance trip in the near future”. – Google Search. I thought, that’s good, since I will be driving 30 hours to Sweden and Norway at the end of October. Better news is that she didn’t land on my abdomen or chest, because that means there is an imminent pregnancy.

Then I came across an article that talked about the bravery of the bee leaving it’s hive to venture into the dangerous world. With the elements of weather, birds, other insects, and things. There were many ways one could die. To take the time to be grateful. They get about 5-8 hours of sleep, just like people and they have a queen. Devotion to royalty, I actually wondered what another insect has royalty? I’m sure there is sat least one other, but not many in that classification. The article, which I will post below, indicated that a visit from the bee was a “call to transform your life, challenge your fears, and step into a new phase with faith and hope.”

Egyptians considered the bee to be divinity, rejuvenation, and the divine messengers between the physical and spiritual realms. The Egyptians in the lower parts of Egypt considered the bee to be a symbol of “giver of life, birth, death and resurrection”.

Of course, the article talks about the Universe and the Egyptians believed in a god named Ra. I always tie it back to my belief, which is Jesus Christ, the giver of life, he was born, died on the cross for our sins and overcame death, resurrected in three days. Numbers are just as symbolic as God’s creation. I do feel that Christian’s miss out in these life lessons because they are too afraid that learning anything outside the Bible is a pure “no, no”. I challenge that with every piece of knowledge received, Christians should use the Bible and discernment from the Holy Spirit. As Jesus used many parables about sowing seeds and the Sparrow who is always taken care of, and when God sent the ravens to feed Elijah. Don’t limit God because He can use anything or anyone to help you on your journey. But never cease to pray and bring it to God, as well as reading the Bible daily.