Sweden & Norway

In the movies, when someone gets shell-shocked or their head bashed about, a loud ringing, and everything else becomes muffled in the scene. I had that experience just from falling down four steps. Four! No explosion or someone bashing in my head in. Just an oopsies, the left foot slipped, and then the right, right after bending unnaturally.

I lay at the bottom of the stairs with the vacuum cleaner in one hand and a cup in the other. I spilled what little was left in the cup, but it did not break! It wasn’t my cup, it belonged to the Airbnb host I was staying with. Ace looked at me with a concerned expression, but there was not much he could do for this situation except to open the door and alert someone. There was nobody home at the time, so he stood and waited. My head buzzed dramatically, the ringing was loud, and I felt an overwhelming wave of nausea come over me. I took in deep breaths and knew that all week was a boiling point of frustration.

Have you ever had those days, those weeks of nonstop annoying or weird situations? I felt God calling me to go deeper into Norway. With summer tires and a can-do attitude, I was determined not to repeat my mistake of not going when called to. The month’s stay in Sweden was lovely. I got a two-week free membership to Nordic Wellness, so I could do my physical therapy. We made friends at a dog park and took long walks by the beach. Ace made a best friend at the grocery store, who gave him a sliver of meat whenever we visited the deli section. He became a little obsessed with bringing me back there to the deli. Skip the veggies and fruit, Mom!

The month passed quickly and I had to pack up and move North again. This time, across the border to Norway. I made sure that Ace got his de-wormer pill within 48 hours and grabbed some snacks from the grocery store before leaving. I got on the road and stopped at various places to take breaks. One place in particular, the Circle K gas station. The manager had a problem with Ace. I told him that Ace was a service dog and was supposed to be with me everywhere I went. He repeatedly said, no dogs allowed, I repeated the title, Service Dog. He said, I know, but no dogs allowed. He let me know that he had worked there for over 20 years and dogs had never been allowed in the gas station. I did not see that as a good point to make, since times and policies change. Then, because I was American, he thought he could manipulate me by saying that I needed to respect their traditions.

Ok, kids! What are traditions? Did they have a parade with signs that had silhouettes of dogs with a big line crossed over them? And make buffets of food with assortments of hotdogs, and then refused to eat them? Just so you know, when I went into the Nordic Wellness. The lady was not sure if I was allowed to bring my service dog into the gym, but she asked if she could check with her boss. I said yes and waited patiently while she made the call and found out that no business in Sweden is allowed to deny entrance to a Service Dog. She informed me of this and I thanked her. So what was that guy going on about? He finally said okay, because I wasn’t budging and I quickly looked for the bathroom. Then he came over and started harassing me again. Like he couldn’t lose this battle to a non-citizen. My words made no impact and he said he wanted me to be respectful towards the other guest. It’s a gas station for goodness sakes. I just needed to use the bathroom. He finally opened the bathroom for me and inside was toilet paper strewn across the floor, poop skid marks in the toilet, and there were drops of blood in the sink. It was so classy, I couldn’t believe I brought my dog into such an establishment.

After that experience, I was having arguments in my head while driving. I prayed because it does me no good while behind the wheel. I asked myself, why am I mad? Truth was, I was annoyed and there was a lot that I wanted to say to this man. He even asked me if I wanted to take it up higher, make a thing out of it. I’m like, no, I just want to be on my way because I still have three and a half hours to drive and this is a waste of time. I did not sleep well the night before and I woke up earlier than normal that day. I was acutely aware that Satan likes to attack when you are tired, hungry, or in an emotional state. I reminded myself that this war is not against flesh and blood but spiritual warfare. I decided to pray for the man. “God, please give that man patience, lots of patience!” FYI, do not pray for patience for yourself or a loved one. Trust me! I did change my prayer to give him compassion for others and humility.

The argument in my head stopped cycling and my anger subsided. Ace slept in his cushioned kennel in the backseat. The day slipped away into the night around 3:30 pm and rain fell. As I came up to a car in the slow lane, I put my blinker on to pass in the fast. As I moved over, he or she put their blinker on and moved in front of me. They didn’t do it to pass a vehicle, I wasn’t sure why they did it except to be a nuisance. So I moved into the right lane to pass. Then they put on their blinker for the right lane, but I had already sped up and was by their side. Instead of waiting, they felt that if they had their blinker on, they could just move over without making sure all was clear. I laid my hand on the horn and sped up to pass quickly, but the vehicle came closer and closer, almost hitting my side mirror with theirs. I moved just enough out of the way to not get clipped but accelerated all the same. I did not know what I did to make them act this way, but I wasn’t going to stay behind a reckless driver. Seeing that I wasn’t going to back off, they yanked back into their lane. I could only see the passenger, a man gripping the “Oh shit” handle, looking straight ahead and not making eye contact. He was probably in his 30’s and I’m assuming he was with a friend or a crazy girlfriend. After I passed, they moved back into the right lane. I was tempted to hit the brakes on them in revenge but remembered that this war is not against flesh and blood.

Battling spiritual forces feels like suicide. Between the emotions that they bombard you with, depression, anxiety, and anger. It is no wonder that so many are committing suicide. My uncle was a missionary in China. Unfortunately, the battle over pain, disc deterioration, steroids, and trouble in the home was all he could handle. He put a bullet into his heart when I was 17 years old. It was such a shock, I remember his huge smile. He was always so kind and smiling and my dad never saw it coming. His little brother was struggling, but he didn’t see the signs. It bothers him to this day, wondering if there was something that he could have done to make things different. The silver lining is that if I had not felt how selfish suicide was, I would have done it myself a long time ago. Then I would have never been guardian of two fantastic girls, who have babies of their own now. I would have never bought Ace and who knows if the other person would have chosen a healthy puppy over a sick husky puppy.

I learned through the bible that Jesus is the shepherd and we are sheep. I feel like that is not a compliment, since sheep can’t take care of themselves. But I did learn that sheep have a natural antivenom in their blood. The symbolism of Satan being the serpent, his bite striking the sheep hurts, but is not deadly. So why did I call this post Suicide Sheep? Because the bible also calls us to die to ourselves. To give up our pride and things that aren’t good for us even if the world says it is. We are also called to take up our cross like Jesus. Jesus died a physical horrible pain and most of his disciples did too. Christians want heaven, but they do not want the sufferings and hardships that Christ’s followers went through. Church tries to make it seem like, if you become a Christian, you will be completely protected from all bad and life will be a Kumbaya by the firepit. I’m sorry to say, that the more you go toward the purpose that God called you to do, the more Satan is going to try and stop you. It is frustrating and uncomfortable. This is why prayer is so important, fire prayers fight against principalities of evil. I’m not good at proactive prayers, like many others, we wait until after it becomes detrimental. If it were up to me, I would lay around each day and watch series and play games. The frustrations that arise in my life are just enough that I keep coming back to scripture and praying to God. That is why I am so thankful for those who keep me in their prayers. Whenever I don’t know what to say to God or have the strength, I ask Jesus to pray for me.

So, back to yesterday at the bottom of the stairs. My body’s response to trauma was to drop the heart rate and dilate the blood vessels, causing me to feel nauseous and faint. I lay there, took deep breaths, and thought, “Devil you aren’t going to win this one either.” I started to thank the Lord for this day and other things before semi-passing out. I say semi because I do not know how long I was there but I could see light behind my closed eyelids and I heard distant voices. I wasn’t sure if it was memories or current thoughts, I couldn’t really make out what they were saying. But when I came to, it was just Ace and I. I carefully moved my right foot and started to make my way towards the living room where I could sit comfortably. Sharp shooting pain went from my ankle to my toes if I tried to apply any pressure, so I crawled on all fours. Ace immediately laid down in his bed and seemed protective more than usual when the dogs came in and strangers came to look at me. He howled in protest and put his body between mine and the others. I had to tell him a couple times to lie down and that I was fine. He finally complied and laid by my side. He’s my little fluffy protector. All howls, no growls.

Surprisingly, the swelling was minimal and by the time we went to the doctor two hours later. I was able to put full weight on my foot with occasional pangs. I developed a headache, but my vision was singular and I was lucid. To prevent myself from crying out of an emotional state; I made jokes, smiled, and laughed. I really am okay, it could have been worse with a broken ankle or a severe concussion, defeated & deflated. I am not, I have more incentive to write about these things in case you are also going through spiritual warfare.

I recently added a book to my Audible called Fire Prayers by John Ramirez. John was a Warlock who did witchcraft and called Satan, father. He hated Christians and talked about how active Satanists are in worship and prayer. Spending hours communicating with Satan and did not skip a tithe. Satanists pray to Lucifer regularly and he would Astro project to locations where he prayed prayers of gang violence, prostitution, & drugs over neighborhoods. He did rituals that would send curses to individuals upon payment. Sadly, I think he was more devout to Satan worship than 90% of Christians. Amazingly, some turn of events changed his life with a challenge towards God. Telling God that if He was stronger than Satan, to prove it. What a powerful and convicting testimony Ramirez has. He really criticizes the apathetic lifestyle of the average Christian. It had me rethinking how dedicated my whole body, mind, & soul to God was.